Despite feeling utterly worn out, sleep often evades us when we are anxious. It turns out that the very thing that exhausts us is also what keeps us awake.
Psychotherapist and associate at The Dream Research Institute, Laura Payne, tells me it helps to see anxiety as part of our basic fight-or-flight survival mechanism. ‘I call it the “Am I safe?” button. We all push this button as part of being human — we are constantly mentally assessing the landscape of our lives throughout the day. There are all those worrying little moments like: “Is that car going to pull out in front of me? Is my child going to be okay at school today? Is my boss going to kick up a fuss?”’
Payne explains that we have learned to live with daily stresses such as these without becoming hypervigilant, which is the ultimate state of the ‘Am I safe?’ response. But unfortunately, this stream of stress still runs along in our unconscious brain activity. ‘This triggers a whole host of hormonal extras, like increased cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline,’ she says.
These survival hormones are essential if you’re on the savannah, preparing to fight a lion — or to leg it — but in modern life they build up during the day and are hard to switch off at night. The very state that leaves us fraught and exhausted triggers hormones designed to keep us alert and wired, because, of course, ‘if there be lions, you do not want to fall asleep.’ This means that the more stressful our day has been, the harder it can be to fall asleep at night. And the stream of hormones Payne describes doesn’t just affect our sleep; it also makes it difficult for us to rest during the day. ‘These hormones not only affect our ability to stand down,’ she explains, ‘they have a knock-on effect on our digestion, diet, heart, blood pressure and nervous system — in fact, the whole body.
‘There are ways of improving our mental health around the things that regularly make us anxious.’
‘Chronic anxiety is devastating for our health, and for our sleep cycles. These hormones are disruptors that take over and run the show.’
Poor sleep quickly eats into our overall sense of wellbeing, but the consequences don’t stop there. ‘When we feel we are operating below par, we start to make mistakes — whether physical (such as clumsiness, small injuries or even major ones), or mental (when we become cranky, anxious and lose confidence),’ says Payne.
This downward spiral can quickly make life miserable, affecting our judgement across a wide spectrum of existence. ‘We quickly lose the joy, and each day becomes a slog.’
One of the most frustrating things to hear when anxiety is stealing our sleep is advice to simply stop worrying. Just relax! If only it were as simple as opting out of stress — I’m sure we would all be doing so. Payne agrees. ‘Obviously, it’s impossible to stop stressing, but there are ways of improving our mental health around the things that regularly make us anxious.’
In her book, Nine Steps to a Mindful Life — Without Meditating (Onefulness Publishing, £11.58), Payne writes about daily techniques that can make a fundamental difference, such as building regular mindful breaks into our routine and deliberately slowing parts of the day.
‘Other things that can help are making sure we take a proper lunch break away from our computer and phone — giving the doom-scrolling brain a break from what some scientists call “pseudo-ADHD”.’
‘Anxiety is part of our basic survival mechanism.’
‘Help is available, and you do not have to manage this alone.’
Like many people, I find anxiety more challenging during the winter months, which is why Payne advises getting as much daylight as possible at this time of year. ‘We need daylight to stimulate the production of melatonin, which works with serotonin to help combat depression linked to lack of light. Melatonin is the sleepy chemical messenger that tells us it’s time to rest and relax.’
Melatonin is secreted at night while we sleep and helps regulate our circadian rhythms. It is also involved in regulating blood pressure and oxidative stress — in which harmful molecules called free radicals outnumber the body’s protective defences, gradually damaging cells and tissues. Melatonin is not available over the counter in the UK (unlike in some other countries), but it can be prescribed by a doctor. ‘We are still learning about its functions, so overuse can be harmful — hence the regulation here.’
I’m well aware that when my anxiety affects my sleep, the heavy layer of drowsiness that coats me the following day only adds to the weight of my worry, creating a vicious cycle that makes proper sleep even harder to come by the next night. I ask Payne what tips she would share with those whose sleep is being affected by anxiety.
She says the first step is to assess the scale of your anxiety. ‘Can this be managed with self-help tools such as mindfulness or CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) techniques? Would joining a meditation group help give the brain a break once a week and teach a skill you can then use daily? There is a wealth of material available online and on personal health apps.’
If your anxiety feels unmanageable alone, Payne encourages us to consider whether seeing a counsellor or psychotherapist might help restore balance, suggesting searches through accredited British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) or UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) sites.
‘If your anxiety feels overwhelming, please consult your GP and allow them to help you. Sometimes the hardest moment is picking up the phone and asking for help — but congratulate yourself once you’ve taken that vital first step.’
Payne also shares several practical techniques for when you wake during the night and struggle to get back to sleep because anxious thoughts have taken over.
● Hold on to the last dream if you can, and gently take yourself back into the story. Find a moment of action or sensation you can re-enter.
● Try counting forwards — just keep counting. Some people prefer to do this backwards, starting from a number such as 1,000.
● A personal favourite of mine is to play the film of your day backwards. It runs in small segments — getting ready for bed, then the previous part of the evening, and so on. I’ve rarely made it back to the start of the day. Try to recall each scene in detail, and if your mind starts to dwell on the stress of a moment, gently tell yourself to let it go and move on to the next scene. Lights, camera, action — you have to keep the film playing.
Shakespeare described sleep as ‘the balm of hurt minds,’ saying it ‘knits up the ravell’d sleeve of care’ and is the ‘chief nourisher in life’s feast.’ Even then, he recognised the potent connection between sleep and mental health, and the way rest can soothe a fractious mind. When life renders us anxious and sleep begins to slip away, we can gently coax it back — and in doing so, begin to ease our anxiety. Because we are all deserving of rest.
